Thursday, June 5

A Million Ways to Die in the West

The film Fatales are trying to come up with one reason to see A Million Ways to Die in the West.

A Million Ways to Die in the West (AKA A Million Ways to Kill Your Brain Cells). 2014. 116 Minutes of excruciating gas pain. Starring Seth MacFarlane (who also wrote this piece of crap and directed it), Charlize TheronAmanda SeyfriedLiam NeesonGiovanni Ribisi,Sarah Silverman. Neil Patrick Harris

As a cowardly farmer begins to fall for the mysterious new woman in town, he must put his new-found courage to the test when her husband, a notorious gun-slinger, announces his arrival.(IMDb).

elizabeth: I don’t even know where to begin with my part of The Film Fatales’ review of A Million Ways to Die in the West. I am not even going to waste my time with trying to explain this movie to the intelligent people who read our reviews. Let me just say that this is a perfect movie for young men whose testicles have not dropped yet and who cleverly hide a case of Clearasil under their beds. In other words, it is for boys who don’t know what funny is, but anything that starts or ends with a fart is pure genius. I would like my brain cells that died from being utterly grossed out to be given another chance at life.  I can’t believe that I am writing this, but the fart jokes were the tamest part of this “movie.”

Nicole: I had high hopes for this movie. I figured if anyone had the B.A.DoubleL.Sto tackle a modern send-up of Mel Brooks’ masterpiece Blazing Saddles (and don’t argue with me world, the comparison is warranted – one cannot make a politically-incorrect, comedic Western and expect people not to compare it to Blazing Saddles), then Seth McFarlane had a brass pair big enough to do the job. Unfortunately, his brass pair must have been out getting spit-shined when he sat down to pen this “script.”

elizabeth: McFarlane can be quite charming, so why the hell did he stoop so low? He could be a leading man (if he finds his upper eyelids…meow). But, I was beginning to wonder if he suffered a mini stroke while scripting this screenplay. Friends don’t let friends write crap. ThenMcFarlane gets Charlize Theron to star in it. What the hell was she thinking? And Liam Neeson: You broke my heart, but I must say your butt is holding up quite nicely. The rest of the movie I wish I could have erased from my memory.

Nicole: Seth McFarlane “stoop so low”? We’re talking about the creator of Family Guy here, stooping low is his forte. And, he’s usually good at it. (BTW: I’m one of the few who thoroughly enjoyed his turn as Oscar host.) I just think he was out of his wheelhouse here. Maybe the genre wasn’t a good fit. Sure, it scored a few laughs, but a ton of repetitive jokes and few-and-far-between funny gags in a way-too-long script culminated in a lackluster attempt at what could have been a very, very funny movie. Unfortunately, it missed the mark on too many occasions to count. So says a person who really and truly enjoys a fart joke. Don’t highbrow me, ‘merica!

elizabeth: And this is coming from someone who laughed her ass off while watching TheCampaign and then prayed for forgiveness.  Do yourself a favor and just watch the trailerAsusual, they took all the semi-amusing scenes and made a 30-second commercial of out it. You don’t want to go beyond that time allotment. Give your money to charity. You’ll feel better. Or just send me your damn money. I’ll make sure it gets to the right places – like Neiman Marcus.


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