Sunday, July 7


Not for the faint of heart: The Film Fatales are sleeping with night lights on.

2013. PG-12. 116 minutes. Brad Pitt, Mireille Enos, Daniella Kertesz, and a billion or so zombies. Directed by Marc Foster.

United Nations employee Gerry Lane traverses the world in a race against time to stop the Zombie pandemic that is toppling armies and governments, and threatening to destroy humanity itself. (imdb)

elizabeth: I want to start off by saying that if you go to this movie (and you should) please bring a spare arm. If you are like me – a sensitive soul who loves puppies and rainbows, than a spare arm will come in handy. You will need something to squeeze and punch as this movie moves along. And the only person who yelled more than I did was a man with Tourette’s in the audience. I am not making this up.

 Nicole: You're far, far braver than I am. The only zombie movie I can tolerate is Shaun of the Dead...because it's a comedy. Otherwise, the mere suggestion of a zombie revolution makes me want to run and hide. And, let it be known, should the real shit go down -- you don't want me on your team. I would only be a liability. I don't wanna live through any Armageddon-like situation. Just put me as close as possible to the epicenter and end it. OK, back to the movie.

elizabeth: Nicole –what is that standing behind you? It looks dead.

Nicole: I see how you’re playing this. Payback’s a bitch, cassidy.  

elizabeth: I don’t normally go to movies like this because I am sick and tired of violence and can’t tolerate blood and guts – especially if it comes in 3D. WTH? But, with Brad Pitt producing and starring in this movie, I reckoned that he would be placing some subtle political statements in it for us to discover. My hope is that people won’t leave the theatre and go on about how cool it was – all those zombies, man. This is a movie with a statement while being entertaining…if the person sitting next to you can get over you ripping off their arm hair – one by one.

Nicole: Maybe I should have gone. I am due for an arm wax.

elizabeth: World War Z kept my emotions on edge. There are scenes in this movie that might bring a tear to your eye. My frustration level went through the roof at times. This is not a typical zombie movie. In some ways, the zombies are just background noise. This is about human beings messing with the ecosystem and Mother Nature giving it right back at us. It is an assault on our apathy to what is happening to our planet...and the zombies just might win. And, I like Brad Pitt with long hair. 

Nicole: You're so shallow. Well, I'm too much of a wimp to see it -- so you'll have to tell me the ending in private. No spoilers for our brave readers who head out to see this one on the big screen.

 The Film Fatales give WORLD WAR Z 

Monday, July 1

Identity Thief: Now On Demand and On DVD

The Film Fatales have changed their identities after seeing Identity Thief

2013. 112 excruciating minutes. Staring Melissa McCarthy, Jason Batman and a cast of characters you just want to forget. Directed by Seth Gordon (your mother must be so proud) and the screenplay writer has changed his identity. Smart move on his part.

Mild-mannered businessman Sandy Patterson travels from Denver to Miami to confront the deceptively harmless-looking woman who has been living it up after stealing Sandy's identity. (imdb)

elizabeth: So you might be able to tell how we are feeling about the movie from the intro to this post. Read it and save yourselves. It is too late for us.

This movie should have stayed a TV commercial because all the funny lines were summed up in thirty seconds…or less. What were any of them thinking? This was a train wreck (although a train wreck never made it into the movie –everything else did in this inane script) and I hope this was not a career killer for the two leading actors. But I am being na├»ve—the movie is bringing in the bucks. Much to my chagrin.

Nicole: I hate when this happens. Take two likable, talented actors like Jason Bateman and Melissa McCarthy and pair them together only to waste the opportunity with a terrible script that would be better served lining bird cages than wasting celluloid (yes, yes. I know movies are digital now. I’m a purist. Sue me.)

elizabeth: I am somewhat horrified that Hollywood thinks that portraying a strong woman means that she has to talk like Joe Pesci. I think Melissa McCarthy can be another strong comedic actress in the realms of a Lucille Ball, but she was crass and vulgar and that was a turn off to me. Don’t dumb yourself down. The world is crying for a truly funny movie. Nora Ephorn – we need you!

Nicole: We might part ways there, only because I think Melissa McCarthy might work blue and genuinely like doing so. Her Bridesmaids role was the epitome of crass and frankly one of the funniest comedic performances I’ve ever seen. I’m not opposed to crass humor or a cheap joke…if it’s funny. This movie, however, wasn’t funny. (Case in point: Mel Brooks’ campfire scene in Blazing Saddles. Crass? Yep. Gross? Sure. Funny? Hell yeah.)

elizabeth: Since I can’t even talk about this dreadful movie anymore, let me make a public plea to Melissa McCarthy: I think you need to demand the starring role in a comedic love story like When Harry Met Sally. You could really pull it off. Don’t let the fact that these roles go to size-3 actresses. I want to see you get the guy and live happily ever after on the big screen—right after me, that is.

Nicole: I agree. It’s sad that Hollywood relegates plus-sized women to “best friend” roles. And, when they are fortunate enough to get leading roles, they’re made to look ridiculous or pathetic. Times will change, and just maybe Melissa McCarthy’s obvious box office draw will send a message to Hollywood bigwigs to shake things up a bit.

The Film Fatales give Identity Thief

Blu-Ray DVD Special Features:
  • 2 discs
  • Alternate Takes
  • The Skiptracer's Van Tour
  • Scene Stealing: Capturing the Humor of Identity Thief
  • Gag Reel
  • The Making of Identity Thief 

Now On Demand and on DVD: The Incredible Burt Wonderstone

The Film Fatales look for the wonder in The Incredible Burt Wonderstone

NOW ON DEMAND & ON DVD. 2013. 100 Minutes, Steve Carell, Steve Buscemi, Olivia Wilde, Alan Arkin, Jim Carrey, James Gandolfini, Jay Mohr. Directed by Don Scardino.

When a street magician’s stunt begins to make their show look stale, superstar magicians Burt Wonderstone and Anton Marvelton look to salvage on their act – and their friendship – by staging their own daring stunt. (imdb)

elizabeth: I went in with an open mind and a brownie that Nicole snuck into the theatre. I laughed through The Campaign (and primal scream therapy has helped me embrace that “silly movies rock” part of me that had been buried for so long) but you just know that a “but” is going to follow… but I was overwhelmed at being underwhelmed. Nicole, I know you are Steve Carell’s secret love child, so can you pull a rabbit out of your hat and tell me what I missed while I was in a sugar-induced coma? BTW – Panera Bread owes you your money back on that brownie. I have an 8:30AM dentist appointment tomorrow.

Nicole: You just seriously aged Steve Carell – I don’t think he’s going to appreciate that. Look, we both had very low expectations for this movie – so don’t get sassy with me, missy. What  I didn’t expect, however, was to sit there for the first 45 minutes without so much as a tee-hee. Not a single ha. Not even the tiniest of internal recognitions that something funny was happening on screen. I can’t believe we had to wait till the very last scene to actually chuckle. That being said, it’s a joy to watch Steve Carell be Steve Carell. Terrible script or not.

elizabeth: I think I would have preferred Burt Wonderstone and his hapless sidekick Anton Marvelton more if the storyline had centered around two dried-up drag queens who saved Las Vegas.

Nicole: Great, you just totally spoiled the semi-auto-biographical treatment about our lives I was about to send Dreamworks.

elizabeth:  I believe I would have cared more about them, the storyline and I would have gladly taken them shopping for something that flatters their skin tones. Just a side note: Carrel’s Wonderstone character in the burgundy velvet ensemble looks like my mother from the mid 1970s. Good thing I tattooed that shrink’s phone number on my wrist.

Nicole: Remind me to never thumb through your photo albums. Yeesh.

elizabeth: Nicole, my mother is on the phone and would like to respond to that last crack of yours. The real magic in this movie is Steve Buscemi appearing to not have one line on his face. I want the number of his makeup artist: STAT. Jim Carrey’s abs took my mind off the poorly written script, but he scared the crap out of me.

Nicole: Seemed like a totally wasted role for Jim Carrey. He’s better off being the lead. This gene-spliced David Blaine/Chris Angel send-up was just not suiting him. I did really enjoy Olivia Wilde and felt that although she’s never done comedy before she was quite good.


elizabeth: Veteran actor Alan Arkin is doing something very few actors his age seem to be doing in 2013. He is getting meaty roles and his portrayal of magician Rance Holloway was the bright spot in this movie. He was magical.

Nicole: Agreed. (Even though I’m incredibly biased because I will always have a soft spot for his portrayal of the easily duped Shel in The In-Laws.) He was the best thing about the movie. By a very long stretch.

elizabeth: And before I go up in puff of smoke, let me just say this to all the directors out there: Do not use the Steve Miller song “Abracadabra” ever again. That song is like nails down a chalkboard and I wonder if I would have liked the movie a little more without one of the worst songs ever written. Burt Wonderstone, where were you when I needed you to make something disappear besides this movie?


DVD Special Features:
  • Gag Reel

Blu-Ray Special Features:
  • 2 discs
  • Steve Gray (aka Jim Carrey) Uncut: Mocumentary
  • Deleted scenes
  • Alternate takes
  • Making Movie Magic with David Copperfield
  • Gag reel


The Film Fatales get out of the AC and into The Heat. 

Rated R. 117 minutes. Starring Sandra Bullock, Melissa McCarthy, Marlon Wayans, Michael Rapaport, Jane Curtain, Demian Bichir, Taran Killam. Directed by Paul Feig. 

Uptight FBI special agent Sarah Ashburn is paired with testy Boston cop Shannon Mullins in order to take down a ruthless drug lord. The hitch: neither woman has ever had a partner -- or a friend for that matter. [imdb]

Nicole: Well, cassidy. I really had my fingers crossed this was going to be a good movie--mainly because of how much I love Sandra Bullock and Melissa McCarthy. And, I’m relieved to say I really liked it. 

elizabeth:  I was a tad concerned about seeing The Heat because of all their TV commercials.   A lot of comedic movies show all the funny lines in 30 seconds so I end up boycotting funny movies (because they are weak and dumb). I have to say I am right more times than not, but Bullock and McCarthy worked really well together and delivered a funny movie.  And it was nice to hear two women swear more than I do. 

Nicole: You may be pressing the truth a little there, missy. Maybe my memory is escaping me, but this is the first female law enforcement buddy movie, right? I’ve seen co-ed buddy movies, where the plot is usually ruined by sexual tension. I’ve seen male buddy movies where the machismo always bites off a bit more than it can chew. I’m glad it only took Hollywood a gazillion years to come up with this concept. 

elizabeth:  I think Hollywood is afraid of women carrying a movie, but these two actresses’ comedic and acting skills will make The Heat one of the biggest movies of this  summer. Bullock was brilliant (and quite annoying) as an uptight FBI agent while McCarthy’s cop role was completely off the wall.  Completely. But I would want them watching my back as long as McCarthy does not put me into a death hold.

Nicole: LOL, yea. McCarthy does pack one helluva punch. Bullock and McCarthy are a good comic pairing. It’s odd to see Bullock playing the straight “woman” when she’s usually cast as the cut-up in comedies. But with an actress like McCarthy – it was a pretty obvious choice who was going to clown it up. No one plays bad-ass crazy quite like her. But that didn’t stop Bullock from getting in a few, really solid comedic punches. 

elizabeth: I liked how McCarthy’s Mullins got the men even if it meant she threw them out the next day (like that is a bad thing) while Bullock’s Ashburn couldn’t even handle a pet.  If you get pass all the F bombs and some violence, you will appreciate the storyline going on about families and friends. Not that I would  invite any of them to a Thanksgiving dinner. Well, maybe the cat.

 Nicole: Really good point. They totally played against type here and made McCarthy the Maneater, which is something film audiences are not used to seeing -- and should see more of. I could easily see this becoming a sequel. Based on reviews and box office predictions, we can expect one. I say bring it on. 

elizabeth: A sequel idea makes me a little nervous. Unless they can get all the actors back to do a sequel, I would beg some screenwriter to pen another story that will do justice to all of the talent that was up on the screen. 

The Film Fatales give The Heat