As two sassy broads, we knew the old-fashioned 4-star rating system for reviewing movies wasn't gonna cut it. We wanted something that screamed US! And, what better way to do that than with a spicy red stiletto? Hmm?
So, with much fanfare and drama (as we're wont to deliver at any given moment), we introduce:
THE FILM FATALES Rating System
Four Stilettos
For those movies that really knock our fishnets off. The cream of the crop. The bee's knees of cinematic excellence earns not one, not two or three -- but four sassy, red stilettos.
Three and a Half Stilettos
For those films that are near perfect, but just don't quite deserve a perfect score, there's the three-and-a-half stiletto rating.
Three Stilettos
For those movies that are really and truly great, but not quite good enough to get you that 4.0 GPA you were hoping for. Still admirable, but not head of the class.
Two and a Half Stilettos
For those cinematic misadventures that are really just phoning it in and are hardly worth the celluloid they're printed on. Those half-in-the-can matinee specials. You know the ones.
Two Stilettos
For those films that really don't deserve to be called films. To be honest, these movies would have been better off debuting on DVD.
One and a Half Stilettos
For those movies you're too embarrassed to admit you paid good money to see. The kind of movie that robs you of time, patience, and sanity.
One Stiletto
For those movies that are so God-awful you're left wondering "what in Sam Hill was Hollywood thinking"? Watching Aunt Irma's trip to the Grand Canyon slideshow is time better spent than wasting precious hours on crap like this.
So, that's the scoop! Look for our new rating system to appear at the end of each post. Buckle up, ladies and gents, it's bound to be a bumpy ride ;)
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